When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
