i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
