She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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