i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
