dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
