I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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