Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
