It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
