Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't deserve a penis
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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