i was born a porn star she said
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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