I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
