I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
