Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
