I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
