My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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