i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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