Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize