My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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