i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the day after is always just damage control
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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