that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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