We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
