Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize