I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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