yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
