New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
