I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
