dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
