OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
