Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
