Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
