Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
