Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize