i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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