just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize