my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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