Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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