I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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