this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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