I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
