take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
