She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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