If i come over, it means nothing
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
