There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
