Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
