OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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