I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize