Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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