porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
