I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
