I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
