get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
