Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
