I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
