i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
