there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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