it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
