I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i was born a porn star she said
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize