chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
