i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Who died my cat blue again?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
