I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
