I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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