Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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