he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
