tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This is the high leading the old right now
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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