If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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