my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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