i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
