yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
