but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
