ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
