i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is this like a preordered booty call?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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