he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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