I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
