At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
