I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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