Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
