So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
