i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
