the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
