I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
