oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
