You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
