Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
