You just made me feel so damn special
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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