I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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