I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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