Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
