you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
