Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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