He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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