You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
