Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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