He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
As shirtless as possible
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
