I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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