but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
