she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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