He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
