I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i think my mom watched the whole time
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
