Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
