You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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