I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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