why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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