Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
