Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
