so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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