My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
