He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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