She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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