he wants to bone in the snuggie
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
