dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
