This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
